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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29149506">as much as i ever could</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/staellula/pseuds/staellula'>staellula</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the kraken and the shadow [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Nightmares</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:07:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>825</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29149506</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/staellula/pseuds/staellula</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>during their stay at elliot's, diego can't sleep, and neither can eight.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Diego Hargreeves/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the kraken and the shadow [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944796</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>as much as i ever could</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>haven't said this here on ao3 before, but i'm on hiatus (due to personal issues), and that is why i haven't updated anything since late last month. however i wrote this and felt lile sharing, so here it is! i'm sorry for dissappearing, i'll be back soon 💖</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Diego has always been a light sleeper, but his stay at Holbrook made it worse.</p><p>The seventy-five nights he spent at the institution were spent staring at the white ceiling - and walls and sheets and clothes, there was so much fucking white - while he planned an escape, mind racing with slowly breaking windows, guard rotations and presidential assassination. Thinking of you. That kind of desperate restlessness was hard to beat. </p><p>It was easier to relax now, at Elliot’s, where he knows his family was safe, and most importantly, together. Then, there is you. </p><p>You and him had a lifetime of missing each other, failing to be on the same page - in the same city, at the same time. It was as if fate had decided so. Though, what fate wasn’t counting on was that Diego could be infinitely more stubborn. And now that he got you to stop running - from your old life, from him - he wouldn’t let you go again.</p><p>Having you brought him a kind of peace Diego never knew before. No matter if the world was ending - if his days were numbered, at least you were by his side, where you belonged. Still, he couldn’t sleep through the night.</p><p>He could hear Luther’s snores from the living room, the neighbor’s cats on the rooftop, and if he strained a little bit, he could even hear Five overthinking in the next room. Diego could also tell you were not asleep beside him, even if your eyes were closed. The yellow street light coming through the window lights your features as he runs the back of his hand over your cheek.</p><p>With a sweet sigh, you lean into his touch before slowly opening your eyes. Diego can’t help the lazy grin that takes over his lips. “Can’t sleep?”</p><p>“Seems like you can’t either.”</p><p>Your voice comes out a little raspy, laced with barely concealed weariness. He pulls himself closer, and you follow, your bodies meeting halfway, laying on your sides.  "Wanna talk?"</p><p>Humming, as if contemplating what to say, you hide your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in deeply, and throw an arm over him, caressing his back with gentle strokes. A shiver runs through him, the feeling of your soft skin against his still so foreign, but so right.</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>Diego knows you'll talk when you're ready. He learned that in these past few days. It still worries him, though, the way you neglected to tell the truth and hurt yourself in silence rather than coming clean with him. Your best friend, the one who loves you, and always has. </p><p>He doesn't say anything, but holds the back of your neck, running his thumb over it in silent comfort.</p><p>"I was asleep for a moment. And then…" You begin. “When I first got here, sometimes… Sometimes I’d wake up, in the middle of the night, and not know where I was.” Your quiet confession comes with uncertainty, shaken. “Sometimes I’d just realize it and go back to sleep, but in others I’d scream and cry and call out for you… or Klaus, or Five, or Allison… and then I’d remember.” </p><p>The thought of you, scared and alone, calling out his name in the dark fills him with guilt. There’s a part of him that didn’t regret getting locked up in Holbrook, but another was overwhelmed by what could have been. He could have been more careful, could have tried to find you. He’s glad you can’t see his face right now.</p><p>“Then, I felt that again, for a moment, but it’s okay. It takes some getting used to. Having you back, having everyone back again.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, honey.” He can’t help but say - it’s the only thing he can say. You lift yourself up, one arm supporting your head, looking him in the eye.</p><p>“Don’t be. You were alone too.”</p><p>There’s a million things he could say to you, but none of them felt right. Diego could tell you he wouldn’t change his mind - he is sorry, he’ll always be sorry for any moment you were suffering and he wasn’t there to protect you. That, now that he learned how to fight for you, there was nothing that would drive you apart again. Yet, he knows that as soon as he opens his mouth, things won’t sound the way he wants them to.</p><p>So, inches closer and closer, until he cages your body below his. Your eyes gleam in the shade, and you reach to bury your hand in his hair - he likes the way you seem so fond of his new style, finding a new weak spot on him - although all of him is weak when it comes to you. One of his thighs finds its way between your parted ones, pushing just enough to feel a slight catch on your breath when his mouth hovers over yours. </p><p>“Not anymore.”</p><p>He’ll let his body speak for him.</p>
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